Underground girl in a mainstream world

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The irony that gets to me is that in life, its harder to let go, and easier to hold on. Why must it be that way? I hate myself sometimes, ok well let me rephrase that, i hate how i let myself do things at times that i know i disagree with but just accept it for the spur of the moment, cuz it “feels good” or “feels” right, when i know that in the end of the day, i’m making a mistake cuz its not gonna benefit me in any way, and i’m going to regret it. So i put up with some shit that pisses me off and sets me off the wall ultimately..yet i stand for it because the desires of my flesh seem to be deeper than my common sense if you’d like to call it. That worries me. I know it means i’m too caught up in the wrong thing, but i also feel that the core of the issue is a bit deeper than just plain ol’ loneliness.  I feel i’m too attached to the things i “feel” are right, so thats why i have such a hard time letting go. I want God to take whatever benefits me and send it my way, and to take out anything that will impede me from growing in any aspect of my life..cuz you only live once, and i hate that i be messing up sometimes. just needed to vent a bit.

The irony that gets to me is that in life, its harder to let go, and easier to hold on. Why must it be that way? I hate myself sometimes, ok well let me rephrase that, i hate how i let myself do things at times that i know i disagree with but just accept it for the spur of the moment, cuz it “feels good” or “feels” right, when i know that in the end of the day, i’m making a mistake cuz its not gonna benefit me in any way, and i’m going to regret it. So i put up with some shit that pisses me off and sets me off the wall ultimately..yet i stand for it because the desires of my flesh seem to be deeper than my common sense if you’d like to call it. That worries me. I know it means i’m too caught up in the wrong thing, but i also feel that the core of the issue is a bit deeper than just plain ol’ loneliness.  I feel i’m too attached to the things i “feel” are right, so thats why i have such a hard time letting go. I want God to take whatever benefits me and send it my way, and to take out anything that will impede me from growing in any aspect of my life..cuz you only live once, and i hate that i be messing up sometimes.

just needed to vent a bit.


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